// I feel like crap right now….//

// I freaking hate math hw >:(//

GAH!!!! I dont even have time to finish re-doing my visual for my senior project that I was planning to do today. I already made a slide show for my visual over the weekend but I realized that it was too simple and crappy. I thought of a new visual this morning and planned everything out. I was going to show my bad visual today and showing a new visual later on but I didnt have a chance to show my visual today. I was going to take this opportunity to make my new visual but I dont even have time to because of Ms. Huong’s freaking 90 math problems. GOD! THAT WOMEN!!!! Trying to kill us even after the AP Exam. I wanted to impress the class with my new visual but I guess I cant :/ I have to show my bad one tomorrow and show the new visual to the class later on when I present.

// The jealous monster is back :)……//

The jealous monster has come back to me once I saw Vu thanking Clarissa for supporting him and then Clarissa goes and comment with a heart…Then the jealous monster comes and stab me in the heart when I saw Vu’s relationship status changed to “in a relationship with Clarissa” </3 Why is the jealous monster after me? I dont even like her anymore. But I feel like I let the one in a life time opportunity pass right by me. I knew that Clarissa liked me and I also felt the same about her before but…I dont know. I didnt do anything mostly because of the age difference. But it was my fault for not taking the risk. I had the best chance to go out with her. She even gave so much hints like asking me to go to all of the concerts with her but I had to either say no or cancel on her because I was busy. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I let this one special girl get taken away from me because I was worried about the age difference. This girl will later on become an amazing women. Im not being a pedo but Clarissa seems to be getting prettier everyday like today. She has become from that young girl I mentored when she was in middle school into this pretty young lady in high school. Sigh. I shouldnt be jealous. I dont care anymore. I dont like Clarissa anymore. I dont even know why I liked her in the first place. I never did until someone mentioned her liking me. One mistake I made was telling Clarissa that I had feelings for Alexa. After I told her, she said something similar to what I told Stephanie when she was in a relationship with Michael. Clarissa said that I am a good friend of her and that she hopes that everything goes well with me and Alexa. After that, Clarissa stopped texting me. Clarissa stopped inviting me to concerts. I think from that point, she stopped liking me and started liking Vu. Vu has always like Clarissa but she never liked him back because she liked me. Now that Clarissa doesnt like me anymore, because she knows that I like Alexa, her feelings are now towards Vu. Vu also ignores me when I see him in chemistry class. Maybe its because he knew that Clarissa liked me or know that I liked Clarissa. I dont care. Whatever.

Johnny’s fortune was right. I dont take risk when it comes to my love life. I keep on missing so many opportunities or maybe I just dont want to take them :/ Am I afraid to take the risk? Maybe because I want us to still be friends. Before they were in a relationship, when I see Vu and Clarissa together, I just want something bad to happen to him or I would just turn the other direction which might made Clarissa feel like I was ignoring her. I need to stop being afraid and just take the risk. YOLO is something a person would say. I cant let the same mistake happen again with Alexa. I just cant.

Now that I look back on the past, there has been so many opportunities that I just let slip right pass by me. There was Maria Dang in the fourth grade. Stacy and Micky Nguyen in the 6th grade. Stephanie Mai in the 9th grade. And now Clarissa in the 12th grade and I cant let the same mistakes happen again with Alexa. I just cant. I need to stop letting them get taken away from me. I need to take one myself. lol That last sentence sounds wrong.

I am going to confess to her on prom night and hope she feels the same way about me. But then what? If she does feel the same way about me and we start going out, our relationship wont last that long. I will be leaving to  California in August and usually long distance relationships doesnt work out that well. It might work out for Alexa and I. Alexa says that she will write me letters and mail them to me when I go to college. How sweet of her :) Ill keep every letter she sends me. They are too precious to throw away.

But if Alexa doesnt feel the same way about me, then I hope we can still stay as friends…. Forever in the friend zone :’(